After 40 years of marriage, I'm letting you in on our little secret. Consider it a Valentine’s Day present. It's nothing fancy, no exotic tricks up our sleeves. We simply fell head over heels for each other's weirdness. As Jeffery Lamar Williams, known professionally as Young Thug, says in the classic love song “dermont (see yourself in my eyes)” by fred again:
Fall in love with someone that enjoys your weirdness, Not someone that tries to talk you into being normal
I'm a lot. I'm a lot to handle, a lot to love, and a lot to understand. I know I can be intense—my passions run deep. When something sparks my interest, I dive in headfirst without looking back. My enthusiasm can be infectious, but also exhausting for those around me. I wish I could press a pause button to give others a break.
We’ve all felt the sinking feeling of being yourself around someone new – expressing some obscure obsession, telling some peculiarly personal story – only to be met with a stare, a glance at a watch, a quick change of subject. “Oh God, I’ve said too much,” we think. “I’ve weirded them out.”
But true love means you rarely have to feel that panic. That self-consciousness. The stakes on just how strange your particular strain of weirdness can come out into the sunlight. When it happens, it’s the lightning blot that you’ve found the rare soul who doesn’t want you to sand down your edges. Who thinks your weirdness...well, that weirdness is beautiful. Fascinating. Who wants to rummage around in all your chaos and peculiarities.
Meeting Lisa Marie Bain 46 years ago was a revelation. I could see myself from her eyes. She has never expected me to be normal, never tried to talk me out of this week’s weirdness, the new passion that surrounds me, the rabbit hole I am diving down. Even after all these years, she still seems to enjoy my weirdness, never talks me out of my weirdness.
The author Robert Fulghum has a great quote that captures the essence of this true love we lucked into:
You want my opinion? We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.
See, we all have our quirks. Our wonderfully weird passions that light us up, even if they don't make sense to anyone else. The key is finding someone who embraces and appreciates those quirks and uniqueness, rather than merely tolerating them. Because that mutual openness and acceptance of each other's eccentricities can lead to a far more intimate relationship.
Don't let the world convince you that your weirdness is something to hide or minimize, that normal = human. The right person will fall head over heels for it. I know I did with Lisa. She makes me feel safe in every weird corner of my soul. That our marriage has not only survived but thrived for over four decades is a testament to the power of embracing each other’s weirdness, of seeing each other in our eyes.
Lisa, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. When you laugh, your whole face lights up like sunshine. Even when life gets tough, you meet it with guts and grace. Your passion fills the room when you talk about what matters most. Your kindness wraps around me like a warm blanket when I’m hurting. The song by fred again says,
"And if only you could see yourself in my eyes
You'd see you shine, you shine
Now these songs will hold and hide your name
You'd see you shine, you shine"
So take heart, all you magnificent misfits out there wandering the world today feeling like no one gets you. Your person is out there, going through life just as lonely for want of someone who appreciates their special brand of strange. Don't dim your light to fit in. You weirdo you, shine on bright. The right soulmate will come, dazzled by your weirdness, wanting nothing more than to bask in your beautiful oddness by their side. Together, we weirdos will change the world.
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