Escaping Into The Open: My Grandmother
My Mom and I walked into the hospital to visit my grandmother in intensive care. As we approached the private doors, the doctor walked out and casually said, “She’s gone, she died a few minutes ago.” Looking startled my Mom asked, “What did she die from?” The doctor replied, “from a lack of will to live.”
The words of the doctor stayed in my head. At 16, I wondered how you die from a lack of will to live. She stood just a bit more than five feet. She wasn’t a typical grandmother by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t ever recall playing with her or being tended to by her.
She smelled of cigarettes and Channel #5. Her face frowned downward from years of sadness. I sensed in her the mystery of pain. It both attracted and repulsed me. People wondered if I was sad she died and I did not know. I realized I had not known her.
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