in my 20s & 30s, I spent a lot of energy keeping fear at bay, like some counterinsurgency battle in the wilds of the some war-torn area. the crackle of fire hummed like a radio buzzer---me, still trying to be asleep, looking to hit snooze. or the pull the damn pout of the cord out of the wall.
as a teenager, I know fear like I knew the alphabet. I could watch the sentences of fear assemble - when my Dad seemed to fade in & out of life. it seemed like there was no key to decipher the transmissions - I had stumbled on a receiver that played fear 24/7.
right now, it is like an electrical current in me. I often wonder if I will spend all my life with fear as a traveling partner.
the holy writings of the tradition that I follow include what seems like a key - the phrase do not be afraid is said to be found 365 times. in so many different contexts, the Holy One shows up, we are filled with fear and that Holy One says do not be afraid.
how what ?