Last night was just wonderful. CDSP has a community night each week, when they share Eucharist and then eat together. Battling traffic, my family & I made it for the dinner part. Lisa & my girls just loved it - my youngest said "This is the best job you've had yet....I can't wait to come back next week". My oldest found a friend she knew already. It felt so good to talk, to recognize folks, to be among a group of folks grappling as well.
I listened to this on the drive there yesterday - while M is prone to hate & abuse, his voice resonates with me at times - this just nails it for me:
Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-In One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?.....
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
Darkness scares me - I always worry that it will swoop in & take me away. I so often forget the truth of this:
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
So we prayed a lot again yesterday - morning, noon & evening. The cadence is so striking - it reminds you of nature's schedule, rather than our own Palms or Daytimers.
We talked a lot about how transformational (rather than educational) seminary should be - how to open up, let go & surrender to the Mystery. I continue to be struck by the stories of how my fellow students abandoned their lives to follow the call of Christ - I am humbled by their witness.
We had what has been the only discordant note so far - a weak discussion on diversity, ironic given the reputation of CDSP & of Bezerkeley. I wondered what John Burgess would have talked about - the reality of living out our call as pioneers, as trailblazers in a world that seeks to homogenizes & cut down the wabi-sabi-ness of our beings.
One more day - I am exhausted, excited & still pretty quiet.
..Faith as radical trust in God, not trust in statements about God, but trust in God. We perhaps see the meaning of this notion of faith most clearly by going immediately to its opposite.
The opposite of faith as trust is, of course, mistrust. But more interestingly and provocatively, the opposite of faith as trust is anxiety. And so the measure of how much faith as trust there is in your life is how much anxiety there is in your life. I mention that not so you have yet one more thing with which to beat up upon yourselves, but because faith as trust casts out anxiety, and who of us would not want the anxiety-free life?...
Growth in trust, in radical trust in God, is radical trust in the One in whom we live and move and have our being. Put in quite secular language, radical trust is what can free us from that self-preoccupation and anxiety that mars our lives and confines our lives. It frees us for that self-forgetfulness of faith, for that willingness to live our lives in a way that is spent in the name of a larger vision, that willingness to spend and be spent. That's what comes out of faith as trust.
--from "What is Faith?"
by Dr. Marcus Borg Explore Faith
"Above all, we need to pray that God will spare us the ultimate
humiliation of discussing him in ways which deny his mystery, his
freedom, his infinite openness and his incredibly suffering love."
-- The Right Rev. David Jenkins, Bishop of Durham (retired)
I've spent a great deal of what is considered my adult life avoiding today - a day where I literally felt parts of my life passing away. Here are some fragments:
Morning Prayer no joke, the Bible reading included the line "don't study too much, you'll go crazy" God is SO funny
The People really inspirational - stories of bravery, loss, pain, hope, joy - all to stand on the edge of something large
Mid-day Eucharist the songs & words that have been a constant all my life were there, living through the mouths of folks I know I will get to know & love
Small Group so re-assuring to hear others voice fear, awe, wonder & uncertainty
Evening Prayer um, we sure are praying a lot :OK, I've spent most of my life to-date in business meetings, so I've got a lot of catching up to do:
After our community dinner, a group of the kids of seminary students played football in the courtyard. People from all over who after 24 hours were doing normal things in the most abnormal context of my life so far.
I feel less like avoiding tomorrow - that's a start, right ?